Refrigerator Rights: the importance of restoring relationships and developing closeness

Americans  are  among the unhealthiest healthy people in the world, and a large number have a stress-related disorder when compared to other countries,  according to an expert on work-life balance. 

Dr. Will Miller, a lecturer at Purdue University and recognized expert in interpersonal relationships, organization health, and workplace  culture,  presented his message of "Refrigerator Rights" at the Mid-Year Educational Workshop. 

Dr. Miller discussed how mobility, immersion in media, individuality and narcissism have all played a role in transforming the psychosocial health of Americans. He further explained how these factors have taken a toll on our contemporary lifestyle and our important relationships.

To introduce the topic of Refrigerator Rights, Dr. Miller proposed a situation in which he and his wife were  at a stranger's house for a visit. 

"Suppose we go over to your house to visit," Dr. Miller described. "We have never met and are having a hospitable visit. If in the first few minutes, I get up, open your refrigerator, look around and begin making a salad, how would you react? What would you be thinking as the host?"

"Now change the scenario. What if I was at your house for a visit, we had never met, but we are distant relatives? How would you react  if  I started looking through your refrigerator?"

As strangers, most people do not think it is acceptable to open a refrigerator and look through it, but as kin, the host wants the guest to feel comfortable and at home, Dr. Miller commented. 

The idea of refrigerator rights builds upon the idea of feeling a sense of belonging, he said. Numerous studies have shown that very few Americans have people with whom they have refrigerator rights relationships, and many successful business professionals confess they really do not have friends. 

Throughout the talk, Dr. Miller, a former stand-up comedian, used a comedic approach to help attendees understand the prevalence of inadequate social support systems and lack of interpersonal relationships among Americans, as well as the importance of stress reduction and life balance.

Dr. Miller said a human being needs a healthy rhythm, or balance, between stimulation and resting from the stimulation; over-stimulation may lead to exhaustion, while under-stimulation may lead to depression. As a whole, many Americans are overtaxed by their hyper-intense family relationships and are under-supported by friendships. 

Social isolation  and putting too much emphasis on too few relationships has resulted in a loss of engagement among Americans. Relationships then become overheated and eventually collapse, leading to estrangement and divorce. 

"One person cannot handle the whole emotional load of you, and you cannot sustain another person," he said. 

The best way to correct social isolation and strained relationships is to visit with neighbors, acquaintances and extended families, get connected, and engage in the entanglements of other peoples' lives.

"The way to nurture your peak relationships with your spouse and your children is to make sure that you have a social support network, or refrigerator rights relationships," Dr. Miller said. "If you attend to that, I promise you it will correct inconsistency in the rhythm of stimulation, it will correct your sense of self because you don't change from the inside out primarily. We change adapting to the externals; we respond to the environment, we change from the outside in. The last thing you feel is the change that has evolved inside you."

Dr. Miller emphasized that lifestyle changes will enable people to build social networks and develop refrigerator rights relationships as well as strengthen, support, and satisfy their soul.